Friday, November 27, 2009

Greatest Classical CD Covers EVER, Part 16

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...


BEETHOVEN - PIANO CONCERTO No. 4 (RUBACKYTE/SHANGHAI STR Q./JAKAITIS)
You certainly are an intriguing case, Number Six. The previous Number Two underestimated you. I can assure you I won't repeat his mistake. He thought swapping your mind with that of a dog would break you. I think stronger medicine is required. The gentlemen behind me are going to play the first half of "Pop Goes The Weasel" over and over at an ever accelerating pace. You will be driven mad and you shall beg to tell me why you resigned.


BEETHOVEN - VIOLIN SONATAS (MACUTA/BLANCH)
Honey? How's the new teacher working out down there? I don't hear much playing!


GEORGE CRUMB - "BAD DOG!"
The one kids show my parents wouldn't let me watch. And looking at it now, it's no wonder. Crumb is foul-mouthed and cantakerous, and frequently wanders off screen. And that angry, blind, rabid dog of his is constantly barking and attacking his guests. When Crumb does remain onscreen, he usually just sits there muttering non-sequiturs. Trust me, it sounds better on paper.


HAYDN QUARTETS - AURYN QUARTET
The most generous interpretation of this cover is that the quartet is a group of ghosts who are haunting the fevered mind of Haydn. But the more likely one is that the cover designer wasn't experienced enough with the photo editing software. Or perhaps they were and decided dammit, there's no law that says two unrelated photos can't occupy the same space.


MAHLER - SYMPHONY NO. 4 (NÉZET-SÉGUIN)
The question "Why?" was never asked once during the design of this cover. The most iron-clad rule of great cover design. Great cover designers never ask why. And, really, I'm glad they didn't here. But when you decide to go the disembodied head route, you've got to be very careful. As we've seen, some prefer to just color it purple and call it day. Others prefer the more austere approach and think once you've got a detached head floating around in a void, adding anything would be gilding the lily. This cover goes all out and shows that HALF a severed head can be TWICE as good! And the crude caricature is pure gravy. Pure gravy on half a severed head.


MUSICA ORQUESTRAL I - MESTRES QUADRENY
J. Edgar Hoover splits solid stone with his head. "Why?" Uh uh uh! There's that question again!


MOZART - CLARINET QUINTET, STR. QUARTET 15 (BOUD, EDDING QUARTET)
An Elvis impersonator from the Year 3000 comes back to warn humanity about its errant ways. The cover's a lie - there's no music on this disc. Just a rambling monologue from a future man who, while still speaking English, is nearly impossible to understand. Idioms have changed A LOT in a thousand years. He keeps screaming about "giggle nerves" and "tustle bundles". I'd be tempted to write it off as gibberish, except that the last 15 minutes of the album is him reading the next 100 Super Bowl winners so the album's not a total write-off.

4 comments:

Pessimisissimo said...

I've just discovered this series, and I'm laughing so hard I'm crying helplessly and the screen's become too blurry to read. Clearly, you haven't let all those hours flipping through record store classical music bins go to waste, as I have.

Please don't stop.

WMS Nemo said...

Are you aware of this one:
Beethoven/Liszt- Symphony No. 3 "Eroica"(Piano Transcription)-Cyprien Katsaris

DK said...

I was cruising the net, looking for the work of Christopher Whorf and I stumbled upon your site. Now I have coffee spewed all over my keyboard, and my maniacal cackling has scared the dog. Thanks!

jespis said...

Great work!

What about that: http://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-media/product-gallery/B000001GQG/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_images_0?ie=UTF8&index=0