Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Greatest Classical CD Covers EVER, Part 11

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...


AMIEI CHAMBER PLAYERS - ZOO OF DREAMS
The classical music industry's is getting bored with ghosts and has moved on to Greek gods. I get mocked enough in my regular life and don't need the decadent denizens of Olympus laughing down at me. "Zoo Of Dreams", huh? What's that quote? "Flies around God's head are like wayward boys." Something like that.


DANIEL HOPE - AIR. A BAROQUE JOURNEY
Yeesh. This smug pomo stuff is played out, dude. Yes, yes, we get that you've cleverly deconstructed the idea of an appropriate album cover photo. Pretty 1993, if you ask me.

A better idea would have been to have a guy in the sky standing on a cloud and singing. And then maybe he could have this cool electric guitar. Yeah, and it could be powered by a lightning bolt that's hitting it. And he could have a sword. And he's just thrown the sword and it gets this three-headed dragon right in the chest. Then put "DANIEL HOPE - AIR" at the top, dripping in blood and you're done.


GEORGE FLYNN - TRINITY
Talk about promising a lot! That piano's gonna have to make quite a lot of racket to be able to live up to the cover. Maybe they'll throw the piano down a flight of stairs. Or off the Empire State Building. Or shoot it into orbit and have it explode 100 miles above the surface somewhere over Siberia. The blast could then be heard all the way to Moscow. If I put this on and hear anything less than that, I'll be disappointed.


CARMEN (OPERA FOR CHILDREN)
Gah! Looks like Wednesday Addams didn't turn out so good. I'm not sure that portraying Carmen as a pasty, skeletal crypt keeper will turn any kids on to opera. Maybe those years in the cigarette factory turned her against cigarettes and she decided to do an anti-smoking ad before she died. "Whatever you do, don't smoke. Just don't smoke."


PETER AND THE WOLF (WEIRD AL YANKOVIC AND WENDY CARLOS)
I'm going to suggest that this isn't what Prokofiev had in mind. Weird Al has a glowing Frisbee and a lasso and he's being chased around Central Park by a wolf wearing Bruce Jenner's shorts who has roid rage. And Tweety Bird's great grandson twitters the whole scene using his iMac. Probably better to burn the score than subject it to this besmirchment.


VERDI - RIGOLETTO
Rigoletto rolls his own while an evil ventriloquist's dummy tells him what to do. There's no more chilling moment in opera than when Rigoletto thinks the Duke's dead and then he hears the dummy whisting "La donna รจ mobile" FROM INSIDE HIS TRUNK.


MENDELSSOHN SONGS
You can tell he's way more into her that she is into him. He's thinking about what color candles to put around the tub for the bath they'll take after their homemade pasta and wine meal he's been planning all week while she's plotting an exit strategy that may or may not involve cleaning out his bank account.






BONUS!

MEGAPUSS!

No comments: