Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Greatest Classical CD Covers EVER, Part 9

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...


THE NEW AMERICAN ROMANTICISM
Frankly, sir, you were misleading in your craiglist ad. I had no idea this was to be a romantic dinner. Now, I bid you adieu.

What's that? Why yes, I have lost a little lately. How did you guess? Thank you. Ha ha, you're right! I will need a new belt soon! Well, I guess I could stay for a coffee...


VIVALDI ADAGIOS
Come with me. On the canals we will embrace the mysteries of the night. The mask will come off and I will stand before you ready to - excuse me? Are you laughing? ... No, my shirt is not puffy. Please stop laughing. Madam? It is very rude. ... Okay, fine. On your way. Find your own way home.


THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO (OPERA FOR CHILDREN)
Another horror show for kids. This one's looks like it could be about a two-headed beast who roams the countryside eating small children (I don't know Mozart that well).


APPLEBAUM/HAMELIN - SERIOUS FUN!
Yes, your wife is very fetching, sir, but I'm actually more interested in the tent trailer. Can't people say what they mean in these bloody craigslist ads?... No, I don't want any wine.


LOUIS LORTIE - MENDELSSOHN
"You see, Number 6, there really is no need for you to leave The Village. We have shops, restaurants and even a small cinema. So really, won't you give it up? Your every move is visible to us via closed-circuit television. Escape by land is hopeless and if you're foolish enough to make a swim for it, Rover will take care of you. You'll save us time and yourself a lot of trouble if you simply tell us why you resigned."


PHENOMENON - THE MUSIC OF DAVID GARNER
And now, ladies and gentlemen, using only the power of my mind, I shall make this bridge... DISAPPEAR!


PLACIDO DOMINGO - AMORE INFINITO
The ghost of JP2 is about to karate chop three cinder blocks while Placido watches the action on the Jumbotron. The classical music industry is obsessed with ghosts so their constant appearance on CD covers doesn't even phase me anymore. Although I must admit seeing EMI's latest cover for the Schwarzkopf Four Last Songs threw me for a loop...

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