Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Greatest Classical CD Covers EVER, Part 8

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...

AMERICAN MUSIC FOR CELLO
The strange, alien device appeared over the lake four years ago. Since then, it's been hovering silently. Ol' Jeb said he heard it make a clicking sound six months ago. But I don't believe him.

ANDREI ESHPAI EDITION VOL. 1
A candid shot taken from the Kentucky Fried Chicken headquarters tour. A suit and tie is mandatory when viewing the Colonel's portait.

BORN TO BE MILD
Another trip to Walmart ruined by a trumpet-tooting biker. Is that he's sitting sidesaddle what makes him mild? Plus, since the W isn't actually struck out, I guess the name of this album is really BORN TO BE WMILD. Which is a far better title, actually.

CHESTNUT BRASS COMPANY
Another damn brass band. I've got enough on my hands dealing with the Canadian Brass and don't have time to deal with these jokers. The cover looks like a young Roger Dean tried to draw a still from Yellow Submarine. "Brazen Cartographies", huh? You know, I've used the dictionary to randomly put words together for song titles too. Know what I came up with? "Nefarious Pemmican."

BEETHOVEN - COMPLETE WORKS FOR CELLO AND PIANO
Beethoven apparently now dwells in the House On Haunted Hill. Sorry, Ludwig. The will clearly states that if I stay the night, the fortune is mine. I'M NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE.

VOICES - MUSIC BY HERBERT BIELAWA
I think I've figured out what's going on here. In the background, we have a shot of some Manson family members chatting with some of the crew who shot that "I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke" commercial in the '70s. Over top of that is a somewhat later picture of the Laurie Partridge Fan Club. Overseeing it all is a marble sculpture of the head of Hugh Downs' brother Darrel. Now that I see this written down, it does make a lot more sense.

BUZZED
Theme music from that awful game show where contestants wore shock collars and were "buzzed" with ever-increasing voltages every time they got an answer wrong. Think the Milgram Experiment was disturbing? Try it with a hooting studio audience! The final 18 minutes of the album is silence punctuated with occasional buzzes of increasing loudness. Ignoring every moral instinct, most audients will listen all the way through because the liner notes told them to.

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