Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Greatest Classical CD Covers EVER, Part II

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...)

Now THIS is a production of Carmen I'd like to see! A totally nude beauty gets pawed by Mumenschantz? Leave the kids at home when you go to play this CD! Oooh Nellie!

Annette Dasch - Armida
This looks like the cover of a CD you get along with the free sample of Fructis that comes in the mail. I don't know how her voice is but I'm sure her hair smells great.

Elgar - The Collector's Edition
I'm never going to England again. Not while the ghost of Elgar haunts the English countryside. I'll bet this is some spooky-ass music. Hopefully all of Elgar's pieces for theremin are included in this collection.

Lang Lang - Beethoven: Piano Concertos 1 & 4
Looks like Lang just spent the afternoon shopping and is pissed because he just realized he forgot all his shopping bags on the subway. Tough luck there, Mr. Metrosexual. I hope he didn't forget his iPhone as well.

Max Emanuel Cencic - Rossini: Opera Arias & Overtures
God, this guy is funny on those Ricky Gervais podcasts. The thing about the bee having the heart attack? When he gets angry about that poisonous frog? Classic stuff. I didn't know he could sing.

Artemis Quartet - Schumann and Brahms Quintets
These hipsters sure are proud of their glowing cupboard doors. If you look at their legs, they're spelling out something, kinda like the Village People spelling out "YMCA". I think these guys are spelling out "YOINT".

Leonard Bernstein - West Side Story
What the hell's so goddamn funny, Len? You make a 20th century update to a beloved love story and you do nothing but giggle? Well I hope nothing bad ever happens to you, sir.

Strauss - Complete Works for Wind Ensemble
This picture is a mindbending paradox. Old Strauss is conducting Young Strauss in heaven while Young Strauss himself conducts? If you buy this, you'll just stare at the cover, get more and more violently confused and pretty soon you're shaking and the CD self-destructs like a Mission: Impossible cassette and you won't even get to listen to it.

Mozart - Cosi
You didn't know Cosi fan tutte was a dystopian nightmare? The best part of the opera is when THX-1138 and RMK-5930 exchange their unisex jumpsuits and totally confuse their assigned breeding partners and it's the time of the month where they are allowed to engage in the reproductive act with the females so there are hijinx galore. In the end, everyone, even the cynical cyborg UNI-MOPH, learns a little something about life.

Click here for the complete (ongoing) series...


Liz said...

Awesome! Can't wait for the third.

Eisler Fan said...

I haven't laughed this much in years! Please keep these CDs with your witty comments coming. Art is long and life is short. And to laugh in between is a wonderful thing.

Gavin Plumley said...

Lang Lang's also probably a bit pissed off at the realisation that there are plenty of other pianists who aren't going to bang bang their way through this rep... bring on Pollini - please!

Genius comment on the Bernstein. Though nice to see that he did crack his face and make his arse jealous.

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